One week ago I saw a hand specialist and I went in filled with optimism. He listened to my explanation, my adamant tone regarding just how important it is I have a working hand, and then made a swift diagnosis. He said that there was some sort of rupture on my tendon sheath, which was rubbing against my A1 pulley and getting further aggravated and enflamed.

The week before seeing the specialist I decided to try and climb as much as I could, in order to give me a good understanding of where my hand was at in terms of pain/recovery/strength etc. This way I would have a good benchmark to work from. I managed to climb 4 times, and although I could feel something wasn’t quite right in my hand, I was also able to climb on most things without any pain. Going in to the meeting with the specialist I was feeling like I was getting over the injury. Although the hard nodule was still there, it wasn’t too painful and seemed to be recovering of it’s own accord. I figured I could drop back into a steady climbing schedule again, building up from medium to hard in the next month or two.

Then the doc made his diagnosis, a single steroid shot through the heart, sorry, hand. I was definitely very apprehensive about this, but he assured me that it was an excellent anti inflammatory and that the downsides were de minimis. Reassured, but still a bit worried, I decided to follow his advice. The injection itself was mildly painful, and I left the clinic feeling like I had a hand I couldn’t use. I could barely move my fingers and it was kind of painful. He had warned me that it might feel worse before it felt better, so I figured a couple of days would pass and it would soon be back to work with all trace of injury gone! A couple of days passes, my hand feeling like a separate entity from my body. I couldn’t move my fingers to their full range, I couldn’t hold anything heavy with my left hand, and I generally felt like a bit of a spaz. The palm of my hand looked swollen and I didn’t want to be prodding it too much, so I let it do it’s thing. 5 days passed and it still didn’t feel anywhere near right. The hard nodule seemed much bigger than before, and I was still unable to hold onto anything heavy or torquey. Now 8 days have passed, my hand still isn’t feeling normal, and the hard nodule remains larger than it was before the injection. I’m no doctor, so self diagnoses isn’t my forte, but I do know that my hand shouldn’t be like this right now. I’ve made another appointment but unfortunately it’s for another 6 days time. The waiting game now continues.

I hate this feeling of not knowing, of not even knowing what I should be doing to help the situation. I’m just waiting and trusting that someone else makes the right decisions for my body.

Following on from the previous post on feeling somewhat directionless, baby steps have begun to take shape. Or rather, a certain path is being explored. There are many paths to explore, but without committing to the exploration I won’t get anywhere, so here goes.