English man in Font

Now that the hoards have come, downloaded, watched, and left, there is some sort of return to normality. I have to confess that I thought a lot about my expectations of how the film would be received. I ended up being somewhat overwhelmed by the number of people who wanted to see it, which as you may have seen even caused my site to go down. It was only a temporary glitch and soon everything was back online, but that did serve as a shock in terms of popularity. This is enough ego massaging though, as I do want to report back on how the experiment turned out.
As you (hopefully) read I released this film on the premise that you can take it for free but the option was there to donate something. It might not have seemed like an experiment but in my mind it was exactly that. How many people would donate for something they could get for free? From those who would donate, would they be my friends, my acquaintances, or just randoms? What condition would link those who chose to donate and those who didn’t? These were the things that I was wondering about and I know have the numbers to analyse in order to get my answers.

At least 1100 people downloaded the film directly from my website and another few hundred did so via the torrent. I can’t be sure of the torrent numbers because I can’t get snatch statistics from tpb, but from monitoring the number of seeds/peers since I started I’ve built up a fairly good picture. I would guess that total downloads are somewhere towards 1500. This doesn’t include people who watched it online via bleau.info so the total number is potentially slightly higher. I didn’t have any expectations about the percent of people I thought would donate and so I approached it with a completely open mind. I was certainly intrigued but I certainly didn’t expect anything. You’re probably wondering how many people did donate? I suggest you have a think to yourself, perhaps come up with a number in your head. I think it’s fair to presents the results now based on the viewing statistics of my website. It peaked and has now tailed off, so I would guess that over 90% of people who want it have already got it or seen it. I also want to state that my presentation of these results should in no way affect your decision of whether or not to donate. I’m not presenting them in the hope of eliciting further donations, simply as an answer to my questions of the whole principle behind freeconomics. I hope you have a number in your head, or at least a percentage. Why? Because then you can ask yourself why there is such a big discrepancy between what you thought and the reality, or you can congratulate yourself of being so correct! The total number of people who chose to make a donation (valid up till this date) is the grand total of sixteen. If you want that as a percentage then it’s (very) approximately 1%, (thanks Joachim!). I am genuinely intrigued by these results to be honest. I should also add that the majority of them came from people I have never met and that I don’t know. So, what to make of these results? Well, it seems that if you give something away for free then you can’t expect to get anything in return. Perhaps the climbing world isn’t ready for a principle of freeconomics. I’ve asked myself if I would pay for a film in a similar situation. I’ll be perfectly honest and say that I haven’t ever paid for a climbing DVD, and this is primarily because I think they cost too much. I think £20 for a DVD is too much, unless it’s a production run of, say, 100. But with economies of scale and worldwide distribution, I think it should be possible to make money by selling them for less. However, I don’t have all the information on climbing DVD sales/profits/costs etc so I’m saying that in total ignorance. What I do know is that it’s cost me actual money to give this film away. Clearly that’s a bad business model because I’m losing money and that can’t last forever! But I am very glad that I did it this way, and also because I had little choice. The only other option was doing something like Doylo did with West Coast Gimps, and sell them for £10 each but have a much smaller distribution. I weighed up the pro’s/con’s and decided I would prefer it if more people simply enjoyed watching it, rather than me getting any sort of money back. If this film motivated someone to visit Fontainebleau and enjoy climbing there then it was a success. If it motivated someone to go out climbing then it was also a success. As much as it pains me to say it, the greatest successes aren’t necessarily monetary. However, I still want to make a shedload of money and as soon as possible (without cessation of all the things I love to do!).

I have gleaned some ideas about the future of such freeconomics and asking for money probably isn’t the best way of doing it. Whilst this wasn’t a super strict application of freeconomics, it was close, and it did enable me to find some answers to questions that played on my mind. I think that most smart businesses understand the difference between free and nearly free. To quote a very funny man by the name of James Hilliard “Whats £2.50 a month? nothing”. Surely this is the mentality of the masses. Whilst you approach the point of free (being zero) then the final part of the curve (the tail end) is so close to zero that it is often regarded as zero. It would seem that extracting incredibly small amounts of money from lots of people would be the best path to financial reimbursement. At least that’s what my small experiment leads me to believe.

I do want to thank the 16 people who donated. I appreciate that you made the effort to give up some of your hard earned cash and give it to some guy who just loves to go rock climbing.

Speaking of rock climbing, which I have done far too little of, I am going over to Denmark on Wednesday and then Kjugekull for the weekend. It’s somewhere I’ve wanted to go ever since seeing a short film that Julien Nadiras made, which featured an incredible arete called Everybody wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die. Whilst it may be far too hot for any serious crushing, I am looking forward to a weekend exploring what is a completely new area for me. I’m returning for one day and then I’m packing the chariot and driving south (imagine Alexis Korner saying that) to Switzerland. My first appointment is with Radja and the second is with Magic Wood. I hope that my return to rock can be accompanied by a return to blogging, and that I can write something that I hope you’ll find interesting.

The beautiful struggle continues. Peace.

I’ve added a paypal button on the right side of this page to make it easier to donate. Someone emailed me explaining it was too difficult to figure out how to donate so I have now made it as easy as possible. Sorry if it’s too in your face, but I hope this makes things simpler for some people. Once again, you’re free to donate whatever you like (no amount too small), but you’re under no obligation! If you don’t wish to donate but do wish to chastise me for being so brazen, or if you just want to get in touch, then send me an email.

In the past couple of weeks things have been rather busy for me. Sara left on a 3 month adventure in India, I’ve released my film, I’ve then had to deal with the problems that came with that, but I have actually been training too. It’s a very sad fact that I haven’t touched rock more than once since returning from France. My vision has been bobbing up and down like the sea, with some days everything seeming very clear and other days everything appearing to be a kaleidoscope of confusion.

The underlying current that flows beneath everything is my desire to return to Branson and climb Radja. Yesterday Tyler told me he was going and I knew (almost beyond doubt) that he would do it. It was inspiring for me because I was on my board training for Radja, whilst I knew he was standing in front of the real thing. When I found out he crushed it, it only served to deepen my inspiration and focus. My body is feeling quite strong at the moment along with my mind, but all this goal setting and goal reaching is quite taxing. I’m also reticent to say that I am sure I can do Radja (but I’m saying it anyway!). Perhaps I’m scared to admit that I think that. I’m absolutely sure that it’s not beyond my current level of strength, skill, dexterity, and mental resolve. This confidence, however, has a strange effect on my preparation, not only in my training, but also in what I think I will feel when I get there to try it. In some ways it takes something away from the eventual ascent. It sounds rather strange, but the best feeling of success is when you are unsure of certain victory, when it comes as a flash of inspiration. This is so clearly exemplified by my reaction to two very different boulder problems (as seen in my film). When I topped out on Partage I was ecstatic, because I had approached it tentatively but then realised it was possible, then realised that possibility by getting to the top. When I reached the top of Fata Morgana I wasn’t pleased at all, which is sad in some ways, but good in other ways. I knew I should have climbed that boulder problem over 2 years ago, and the feeling of success that I did have was not ecstasy, it was relief. I was relieved to not have to go back to do it, like I was laying it to rest. I didn’t enjoy that feeling very much. But it did show good mental resolve, and so that is the one thing I can be positive about. The climbing experience may not have been positive, but I’m happy I didn’t just decide to leave it. There is some sort of similar experience now occuring with Radja. I do know that I can do it, which might seem a brazen claim, but I’m arrogant (read; know my ability well) enough to be able to make that statement. But this isn’t like Fata Morgana. This isn’t like a problem I’m sure I can do. This is something else. This is Fred Nicole’s test piece. This is the world’s first 8B+ and I sincerely hope it will be my first too. Just writing these words gives me a good feeling inside… Thinking about being stood on top of that boulder fills me with joy. That is why this is different. It’s almost a complete process now, since I’m sure I can do it, but I need to prove to myself that I can actually do it. This cycle will be complete when these words turn in to actions. Hopefully that will be sooner rather than later.

Something that is slightly external to the above process is the macro cycle in which the above micro cycle exists. I set goals, I train for them, and I hope to achieve them. Once I do, I set more goals and begin the process all over again. But by zooming out a little, it becomes apparent that these are all subsets of one major goal. But what is that major goal? When I first started climbing I had dreams, somewhat naive and convoluted dreams, but dreams never the less. When I first started trad climbing, I knew that E10 was the highest possible grade and it was E10 where I aimed. Why? Because that’s what I do, that’s all I know. I just aim for the top and try to get there. Clearly as you move along these life long goals you begin to learn more, about yourself, about the process which you’ve undertaken, and about the meaning of your goals. When I began to learn about bouldering I learned that somewhere far away a man had done an 8C and although it was only an abstract concept at that point I aimed for it. That 8C was Dreamtime, which is now only 8B+. I’ve now been to that bloc, and it is both beautiful and inspiring, but it no longer remains my object of desire. Through climbing I’ve realised that what I find fascinating is the move. The process of finding out just how hard a move it’s possible to do. How small can the holds go? How bad can they be? How far apart can they realistically get? Clearly these questions are both answerable (or interpretable) on both a subjective and an objective scale. What can be achieved and what can I achieve? When I set out in climbing I genuinely thought I could reach the top. Then I began my process of learning, and I began to realise that to reach the top you have to be in the 99th percentile (by definition). Part of the ingredients for reaching that percentile are out of my individual control, such as my particular body shape, my tendon insertions, the composition of my muscle fibres, and these are factors that form part of who can make it. I don’t know just how good my genes are, but I know they haven’t stopped me so far. I do feel like my fingers don’t adapt well to small holds and they tend to ache easily when I try to train them too hard, but apart from that I don’t know where the ceiling is. If I could look up and see it would that make a difference? Maybe, but the real joy is that it’s a glass ceiling. I won’t know I’m close until I hit it. I guess all this nonsense is just me saying that I want to hit that glass ceiling and what motivates me is the fact that I haven’t hit it yet. I want to find out how far I can get and I’m happy to put energy into the process of finding out. This is why I’m so interested to see hard boulder problems because I can view them with the thought of “is this really possible for me?” rattling around my mind. I actually look forward to the day that I see a move and think that I will never be able to do it. But that is almost an impossible desire because I have so much belief in hard work paying off. Ultimately, I am just trying to reach my personal best and in the pursuit of that I’ve made a slew of sacrifices, but they’re all worth it I think.

L’Étranger has been downloaded by lots of you and whilst I’ve received positive feedback, I also thank those of you who pointed out the problems and the possible roads to improvement. As I’ve said all along, this was a first effort, and in fact, only destined for a rather small audience. That pathway ended up turning out a little differently, with my server getting slayed and then my site going down. It’s fixed now, and I also have a torrent on the go which you can use to get the film. All the links are in the posts below. Obviously you are still free to make a donation, just email me if you want to find out how.

Mesdames, Messieurs, bonjour!  I’ve now uploaded the film so it’s available to download. One thing to be aware of is that only the HD version is live right now. This version should satisfy nearly everyone as most people who read this blog should have a fast internet connection.  An SD version should be available within the forthcoming days so if you really can’t watch the HD version then please exert a little more patience.

Making this film has been a great learning curve in many areas. I’ve learned retrospectively about composing shots whilst climbing, I’ve learned a lot of editing and have certainly increased my knowledge about the power of video editing. I guess I’ve seen only the first 10% of the power available and am certainly keen to learn some more when I have the time. I don’t know what the next project will be, but I’m certain that there will be one this year.

I hope you enjoy the film, enjoy the forest, and feel at least a little inspired to go and enjoy the magic of Fontainebleau.

Runtime; 55 minutes. File Size; 1.9Gb

download link

ALTERNATIVE TORRENT LINK

Final tech note; The film is encoded with x264 so if you find that you can’t play it you will need to download the x264 codec or watch it with a program like VLC. However, it is likely that you will already have an h.264/x.264 codec installed!

Please read the post below this before downloading (if you haven’t already!). Enjoy.

L’Etranger was the greatest free bouldering film from fontainebleau of 2008, namely because it was the only one! If you haven’t seen it then head on over and check it out. It will only cost you some time as it’s available for nothing. Enjoy. Continue reading “L’Étranger – 85 days in Font”

It would seem that my body has finally dealt with whatever virus was resident. The blood tests didn’t find anything, so all I can say is that I WAS an ill mo-fo but now I’m getting back on my feet. I’ve felt pretty dire for the past 5 weeks. First this virus, then the shell of a virus torn body that I was trying to force up my board, and now finally a body that is returning to strength. I’ve had all sorts of thoughts in the past few weeks, as always happens when you step back from a rapid pursuit of your goals, and I’ve had a chance to refine them a little so perhaps they are ready for the world.

My motivation for climbing has really dwindled. Being away from climbing is never easy at the beginning, because it’s usually so integrated in my daily routine, but after 2 weeks it felt almost normal not to be training or climbing. I was filling my time with other things, reading, writing, video editing, watching films, and all the things that normal people must do with their time. I realised how easy it would be to not be a climber. I think these dark thoughts were combined with a deep sense that any element of fun had fled from both my climbing and my training. Perhaps this is just part of the post trip blues that is a virus all of us feel when returning home from various adventures. But my thoughts seemed darker than this. Trying to find the motivation to go into the board when my body was at 50% was almost impossible. I even started questioning the reasons why I climb, what it’s for, what purpose it serves.  I’ve written before that climbing is simply a joyous tool that I use to push myself forward, and without it I would probably use another sport or activity. Some “purists” might look upon this notion as very untraditional and perhaps think I’m missing the point. But the reason we choose to enjoy various inputs is only a simple result of how we’ve moved through life, the path we’ve taken. There is no nobility in climbing, nothing that elevates it above any other art form, but I’ve always enjoyed it more, which is reason enough to continue unabated. In the last few weeks I’d felt no fun, no joy, no spark to continue. My thoughts revolved around the fact that climbing is an inherently selfish activity that does nothing for others and is ultimately useless (in itself). I am absolutely sure many of will disagree (and that’s a good thing!) but I did find some answers after watching a Jet Li film about Wushu. In this film the main protagonist was questioning why he practised wushu and basically in between all the cheap film philosophy I found a grain of inspiration. We practice whatever we practice as a tool to better ourselves, to answer questions about ourselves, and the thing we practice is irrelevant (but should remain the thing you have the most fun doing). Climbing has taught me things about my resolve, my determination, my drive, about dealing with failure, about success, and it has led me to meet great people and see amazing places. I am so grateful for all these things and I guess it’s all these things that spur me on. Also, I’ve probably come too far to quit now (this is a joke – but what’s that smiths song?).

Whilst thinking about all these things I started finding inspiration in all sorts of places. I guess it’s the age old truth that if you are looking for something you’ll see it everywhere you look, and I’m sure that both consciously and unconsciously, I was looking for inspiration. I would hear a song lyric by Jay-Z saying “this is the oath; to the top or broke” and would find empathy with it. I’d hear a Wimbledon commentator say that what we see on court is a pinnacle of all the long hours and hard work that the player puts in to reach this point.  I’d remember interviews with great artists who professed to have strived endlessly in the face of defeat before reaching greatness. This is a risk I want to take. I want to face defeat and find out if I can succeed.

It also helps that I finally had a session in my board where I felt at about 80% ability. I’m purposefully avoiding writing 80% strength anymore, as I think it’s a redundant thing to write. Climbing is far more than strength, so to make statements about how strong I felt is completely valid but a useless measure of how I’m climbing. I think my body is free of any viral shackles and I’m really happy about that. It felt good to once again do hard moves, to be able to grip bad holds, and to feel motivated. My thoughts are once again drifting to my goals of returing to Branson and the vows I made whilst I was there. Ultimately to improve in climbing I think it’s long term steadfastness that pays off. These small waivers that occur to psyche have to be accounted for, accepted, but then pushed through. I’m pushing on now, finding my feet staying on the screw ons, and my arms moving swiftly between the holds. That’s a good feeling, a feeling in which I find joy, and the feeling that is helping me regain inspiration and return to crushing blocs.